Life After Death

I grew up in the Christian tradition (Baptist) and had to adhere to many rules & regulations in my strict upbringing. For over 30 years I maintained the assumption that reincarnation was unbiblical, even demonic, designed to lead millions astray. And yet, my religious upbringing did little to solidify my feeling of worth.

I recall all those years of fear, trying to live up to a Judgemental God and never feeling good about myself. Heaven was always taught to me as the place we go if we are good, if we are bad we go to hell. I was scared to death I would go to that blazing inferno somewhere below us. The question of being good or bad seemed to overshadow everything in my childhood. Would I ever go to heaven? What would it be like to meet God? Of course he would never approve of me. Did he really sit on a throne with a long white beard in a faraway place and keep notes on my every thought and action?

I tried so hard to live up to the expectations of the Church and failed miserably.
Eventually I just pushed God aside, as well as my demons.

True love entered my life at age 44 and a joy I'd never known helped me rediscover who I was. Unconditional love helped me to accept and love the person I always was. The real me. That was truly my beginning. Being an avid reader, I chose to read everything I could on spirituality; law of attraction, living in the now, and reincarnation. But it was Michael Newton's book, "Journey of Souls" that was an "Ah" Moment for me. I just totally got it. Everything finally made sense. There was nothing to fear in death.

In embracing the concept of reincarnation, I realized the enormity of the universe & the untapped potential of the human spirit. It was knowing that we live multiple incarnations that I found a rhyme & reason to life that I never knew existed before and for that I am eternally grateful. Reincarnation is a gift from God!

The Christian church started out with a belief in reincarnation only to see it exorcised from all Christian doctrines & writings (around 500 A.D.), a fact largely unknown to Christianity. Reincarnation proved to be a threat to the control of the hierarchy within the established church. Judgement (or hell) & the promise of an eternal award were the control mechanisms of traditional Christianity without there would be no means of maintaining obedience.

Don't get me wrong, I believe there is good and bad in all religion. Each has its merits, yet most are limited by rules & predjudices ruling through fear. When we die and meet on the other side, do you think we are separated into different religions? No....we take only the kernel of truth at the heart of most religions...the importance of treating each other with love. God is not Catholic or Muslim or Hindu. Nor is God associated with any other man-made belief system.

The more I grow spiritually the more I come to know God in a whole different light. God is loving and forgiving. Being in a place of fire and brimstone won't help atone for the pain we have caused others.

The earth was created for us to come to, like a school away from home where we do our learning. The object is to develop ourselves and our world to our highest potential. We are given an unlimited amount of time to do this and have been given as many different lifetimes as we need in order to learn all that's possible to fulfill our potential to the fullest.

If people knew that life is endless, so we never die, then the fear of death would dissolve. If they knew that they had lived countless times before and would live countless times again, how reassured they would feel. If they knew that after death, in spiritual state, they would join their deceased love ones, how comforted they would be. If they knew that guardian angels really do exist, how much safer they would feel. If they knew that acts of violence and injustices against people did not go unnoted, but had to be repaid in kind in other lifetimes, how much less anger and desire for vengeance they would harbour.

Everything we've done, no matter how selfish or evil, is a part of the often painful process of spiritual maturation. We secure our own salvation, not through some absolution resulting from membership in a particular religion but by taking responsibility for our own lives & actions and learning to grow beyond our human frailties & weaknesses.

We are souls visiting and experiencing the physical realm in order to grow and evolve into ultimate light beings. That is our true origin and final destiny! How awesome is that?

"It is God's kiss, not of good-bye but only of a brief farewell, knowing we're leaving paradise not just for the sake of our own spiritual potential but for him as well, and assuring us, his children, that his perfect, unconditional, eternal life will light our way through all our days on Earth and right back through the tunnel that will someday bring us safely home again." - Sylvia Browne

Rediscovering My Power

The Past....it used to surround my soul in darkness...like a shadow, chasing me, haunting me, distorting my vision and hiding the truth. Looking back now, I hardly recognize the lost child who tried so desperately to fit in, the teen who's search for love seemed like an illusion, and the woman who's dreams all changed, who's metamorphisis destroyed many of the people she loved, to save herself.

For as long as I can remember, all that really mattered to me was being loved and feeling safe...and that my worst enemy was fear. Fear of hell, fear of satan, fear of death, fear of dying. Fear of the dark, fear of ghosts and monsters. Fear of being laughed at, fear of being alone, fear of not measuring up, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being abandoned.

I suppose fear was the reason I closed off parts of myself, hid them from even those who loved me most. Fear was always my reality, ready to devour me, to show the world how weak I was. So I searched for love, for in love I was sure I would find the power to eradicate my fears...to heal the feeling of not being worthy or good enough.

I knew the first time I met my soul mate at age 15 that he was my true love. I also knew intuitively that we would only share a short time together. I do believe we met then, so that we would remember our love, when we were both ready, decades later. I think that is why no one could ever replace him in my life and why I never forgot him.

But life went on and I married someone else because I had this fantasy of the perfect husband, perfect home, perfect family and perfect life. And it all fell apart...

I'm not sure when it all started unravelling but my marriage was never what I would call easy. We struggled financially even though we had a nice home, vehicles, and went out alot. We wanted it all. Unfortunately, poor finances, my husband's job losses and his depression, my health and work stress and our children's needs and wants, all took their toll. Each year it seemed to unravel more and more and I could feel myself shutting down. I pretended everything was ok, that everything would be ok. So I just went through the motions, accepting my fate, as more of me disappeared.

So often in life it is our desire to be loved and we tend to fall victim to our own making. I tried so hard to be the best wife, mother, lover, friend. Because I believed it was what was expected of me, in order to have love. I compromised who I was. I know I did this on an unconscious level and was unaware of my behavior. After awhile, my behavior became second nature and before I knew it, days fell into years. I continually tried to live up to my husband's and everyone elses's image of me.

Eventually I found myself unhappy about life and unfulfilled in my dreams without really understanding why or how I felt this way. Now I realize not only did I give away my power and a piece of myself but more important, I was not being true to who I was. I had become miserable and my pain was the result of compromise, too often, giving away a part of who I was. I compromised my individuality because of the need and desire to please someone else.

I knew I needed space, needed time...to try to work out who I was, figure out who I was. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, walking out the door and leaving the life I had for 17 years behind. And at the same time, I felt relief wash over me. It was only then that I started to heal who I was. That didn't stop the horrible guilt I felt for leaving my children, but I knew they would survive and I couldn't. I tried to make them understand, but how could they? The mom they loved and who loved them, walked out. Some would say I was selfish because I put my needs above everyone elses, but for me it was the only way I would survive.

It's been over 7 years now, and I have to say I am a different person today. How you might ask? In so many ways. My soul mate coming back into my life was a blessing because he asked nothing of me and accepted me exactly as I was. That started me on a journey of self discovery. I love myself in a way I never could before. Loving yourself is the key to everything else! We spend so much of our time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. You will draw to you exactly what you create in life, and what you believe you are worthy of. It was only when I believed I was worthy of love that love appeared.

I stopped trying to please everyone and started making my happiness a priority. I stopped looking for the external and material things to make me happy because happiness comes from within. Instead I found joy in the simple things. I became aware of the moment, of the beauty and peace in just being. I surrounded myself with positive, inspiring people. I realized I was responsible for everything that happens in my life....I have that power.

I have an incredible thirst for knowledge, which continues and always will. I now have a belief system that means something to me. I know why I am here and what my purpose is and I continue to learn the lessons I chose and to evolve to be the best person I can.

I had to face many childhood demons and I realized it wasn't my parents fault. They did the best they could and they loved me the best way they knew how. I chose them as parents and had lessons I needed to learn from that experience. I have long since forgiven my parents and love them more now than ever (even though they have long since passed). We resent so many people through our lives without considering why they came into our lives. We all have journeys to live and our own lessons to learn. I can only hope that my children will realize this one day and find a way to forgive me.

I am learning not to judge others and their mistakes in life because that's the way we grow and evolve into the souls we are meant to be. And I have forgiven myself. I am exactly where I should be. And it's just the beginning. There is so much more to learn.

If I could do one thing, it would be to help others, to let them see their own light, to see the beauty in themselves, to love themselves first, completely and unconditionally. To help them find their inner strength, to forgive not only others but themselves. To understand that nothing is impossible and everything is possible. To live in the moment and not waste time worrying about the past or the future. I'd want them to know that love is forever, that life is forever. That your soul goes on, so accept yourself and your failings, knowing it is what makes you learn and grow.

Living with Crohn's Disease

I was first diagnosed with Crohn's disease in my early 20's, shortly after my mother's sudden death. Crohn's disease is a inflammatory bowel disease that causes inflammation of the digestive tract. Hearing my diagnosis and the word "disease" filled me with unimaginable terror and fear. First there was denial, then disbelief and finally self pity for having to deal with a life-long disease there is no cure for.

I have always been an optimistic person, so I put on a good face for the world and decided I wasn't going to let this "disease" get the better part of me.

30 years ago there wasn't much in the way of information and research was difficult (I spent a lot of time at the library). You had to trust that your doctor was making the right decisions for you, even if you did feel like a guinea pig. One thing my doctor did that really helped me, back then, was send me to see a Nutritionist. She explained how important my diet was and went over the foods that are common problems for most Crohn's patients, as well as helpful ones. This does differ from patient to patient, but I quickly found which foods irritated by gut.

Stress was my worst enemy. The nights I spent wrapped around the toilet were disturbing to my family, who always wanted to help, when all I wanted was to be left alone. The pain was so intense, it could be compared to labor pains, with the added bonus of puking and diarrhea. I know many times those days, my family wanted to take me to the hospital. They didn't understand how impossible that was for me.....just the thought of trying to make it to the car (never mind dressed) was improbable at best.

Two years after I was diagnosed with Crohn's (1981) I developed a blood clot in my left leg (due to the pill) and spent a week in the hospital on blood thinners and bed rest. Three months later I developed another blood clot but in my right leg, which had to be surgically removed.

In 1996 I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer and had a partial thyroidectomy. Thankfully, I have remained cancer free!

All this added additional stress and it was a battle to stop the Crohn's flair-ups. But, I've learned allot about the disease in 30 years. I've had a wonderful specialist for the last 6 years,who actually listens and isn't so quick to use the knife or put you on scary medications like Humira and Remicade infusions. Although I am concerned that the drug I've been on for the last five years, Entocort (which is a corticosteroid) may be losing it's effectiveness for me. I am hoping to try LDN (low dose naltrexone) and have a specialist appointment in a few days to discuss this.

Hormones and peri-menopause do seem to aggravate Crohn's disease. This has been somewhat of a challenge for me. First getting a saliva test done and finding I have low progesterone, and low cortisol and DHEA (Entocort can lower your adrenal hormones). And then trying to deal with more side effects, trying to determine if it's hormones, the medications or just Crohn's flaring!!

Some days are better than others. I have months at a time of remission and months where my illness and the pain keep me a prisoner in my home. With this disease one day you can be great and the next day in severe pain. It's a very unpredictable and debilitating disease that is difficult for friends and family to understand. The ability to engage in social activities, which often have to be cancelled, sometimes at the last moment, can be very upsetting, as can planning vacations or trips. Friends and family can under-estimate the impact of this disease on people they know who have Crohn's. You can be supportive by becoming educated about the symptoms and the impact of this disease. Reassurance of your love and showing your concern goes a long way too!

Most times I don't let this disease get me down. I've learned to listen to my body. Keeping positive is absolutely imperative as stress plays a very significant role in Crohn's disease. I belong to an Internet support group, which has really been a blessing.

My mantra: One day at a time......one moment at a time!

THE BEAUTY OF PERSONAL AUTHENTICITY

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.....
Not long ago my declining eyesight made it necessary for me to purchase a 5x magnification mirror so that I could see clearer to put on my makeup. At first I was shocked at my reflection. Then on closer examination I realized, my God, my mother was staring back at me. That's when the full-scale self-pity started.

I have to admit I'm starting to get used to the old gal who faces me every morning now. She's lived life and yes, it shows in the laugh lines, crows feet and wrinkles but there's still a sparkle in her eyes and an inner power that grows stronger every day.

Alot has changed since I retired five months ago. It's really given me the opportunity to analyse who I am and what I want. Having time means everything. The frantic, crazy person who rushed out the door every morning and the one who came home tired, stressed, ranting and raving has made way for a much calmer person to emerge. Oh that "other" person still shows her ugly head once and awhile, but usually it's when her hormones dictate.

I think mid-life has really given me the opportunity to move in to my full power, where I found my true voice. It's the beauty of personal authenticity. But alot of people struggle at this crucial time in their lives. They not only feel old, they feel like life has passed them by. They remind themselves of all the opportunities they wasted and talents squandered. Or they sit around not knowing what to do with themselves, living in the past and worrying about the future.

The present is an on-going act of creation! The problem is too many people, young and old alike, look for satisfaction outside themselves, in other people or events from the past or what the future holds. People say, "if only things were different, I'd be happy". Well, I'm sure at some point in your youth you had the world at your feet and didn't realize it! You know what it was like? It was just like now!!

Mid-life is our second chance. No more time for detours or getting it wrong. No more time for relationships that don't work or staying in situations that don't serve you. You can spend the rest of your life re-enacting the drama of your past or finally put down that burden! Every moment is an opportunity to exhale old energies and break in new life; to exhale fear and inhale love.

This is not a time to give up and say, this is just who I am, it's too late to change. The challenge of age is not to skip life's disappointments but to learn from them, however painful. It is our destiny to face ourselves; to be shown all that is not healed in us. If you live in the past, you live with regrets that haunt you. You will never move on to a happy, successful life until you can face the demons in your past. Once you are free from the past, you are free of the victim.

So often, a large part of why we are stuck is because we're focused on what went wrong yesterday or today rather than on what we want. If you're stuck, odds are it's because you are primarily looking at what's wrong or not working. Little by little focus clearly on what you want and what step you can take today....right now...to move you closer to that place. Then repeat the process. Over and over, day by day.

I know my physical self is aging and some days it bothers me more than others. But I identify much more with my spiritual side and my experiences have begun to shift from limitation to limitless, from fear to love. I know what issues in my life need more attention. I learn new things about myself all the time, but more important I understand more deeply what I already know and I realize my state of doing must match my state of being.

The last thing you want to do is steel away more life from yourself by failing to be more deeply in it while it's happening. This moment is all you have, so why not live it to the fullest? No matter who you are, no matter how old, in the present, all things are possible!

We shall not cease from exploration

And at the end of all our exploring

will be to arrive where we started

and know the place for the first time

T.S. Eliot

THE ILLUSIVE SEARCH FOR TRUE LOVE

Love....the reason for our existence. From the moment we take our first breath, right until our last, love remains the most important and valuable experience we can have.

Love teaches us about ourselves, about others, about life and about our world.

Then why is the search so illusive for so many people? Is it because statistics show 1 in 3 marriages will divorce at least once? And more important, why? Has divorce become the natural progression and unavoidable?

I believe most people enter in to marriage optimistically, intending to stay married for the rest of their lives. But for many, the emotional, financial and/or behavioural expectations are too high and the problems too difficult to overcome.

Love is supposed to encourage and nurture us, connect us, giving us direction, security and strength. But for everyone, at some time, love tears us apart with a pain so devastating and destructive, we can't imagine surviving.

Everyone knows there are no guarantee's when it comes to love. No absolutes. So, what have I learned from two failed marriages and many relationships? Stay true to yourself!! You may think you know what's best for everyone, what the "right" decision is, but if you lose sight of what's best for "you", no matter how selfish, you sacrifice losing not only who you are and what you want, but any chance of a successful relationship. Too many of us get so lost in love that only a shadow remains of ourselves. And then reality sets in and rather than face failure (you've made your bed...now lay in it) we continue going through the motions, pretending to be happy.

We can burden ourselves with guilt, blame, disappointment, and anger, letting it rip us apart or we can surrender to what is and be freed with the truth.

We all evolve, change, explore......it's our human nature. We all have the right to choose, so why should we live through circumstances and situations that are not healthy and prevent us from our true path? Love is always a risk. But the universe isn't investing in giving us just what we want......it's teaching us how to love. The lessons aren't always easy, in fact, sometimes an experience of what you do not want ultimately teaches you what you do want. Sometimes things don't turn out to be what you hoped for, but perhaps that was the point! And the lessons we haven't learned will just keep coming around until we do!

After my last failed marriage it took time to heal so my heart could finally be delivered from the past and released to the fullness of what love is for me right now. I have what I only dreamed could be possible.....true, everlasting love. A love that fulfills every part of me and makes me the best person I can be. I am loved for who I am, not what anyone wants or expects of me. I am not stifled, invalidated or punished for being me. There is much more respect and less judgement. Conversations don't escalate into arguments. I have the freedom to be who I am and loved for just that reason. I laugh a lot now. I don't hide who I am because I love me. I love seeing the transformation that has come with age and experience.

I truly believe that every single person who comes in to our lives, comes for a reason. To teach us and give us the necessary lessons to help us evolve on our road through life. So embrace love, embrace life and don't give up. Your perfect match is out there, you just need to prepare yourself as the gift you really are!!

• Love yourself first. You do not need someones love to complete you. What is wrong in you will not disappear in a relationship.


• Don't change for anyone, especially if you are being constantly judged, criticized or blamed for your actions or thoughts.


• Do not place unrealistic expectations on yourself or your partner. Don't try to change them!


• Have your own interests, activities, friends and time alone


• Use your emotions positively and think before speaking; Listen and really hear


• Respect (no name calling)


• Trust (sharing all of you, the good and the bad)


• Damaged people, damage people. They are also attracted to other damaged people, so beware


• Don't magnify and over blow situations, making mountains out of mole hills


• Don't over identify and take things too personally (blame, hurt, resentment) and justify it.


• Compromise. Avoid all or nothing thinking


• Don't use the law of distraction: procrastinating, avoiding, using people or things to distract you from your problems

Law of the Garbage Truck

Think about this the next time you want to "react" to someone "acting out". One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And, I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...
Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! Have a blessed, garbage-free day!

DEATH IS NOT THE END

Death is just an empty word until it takes someone you love. In that instant your world changes, time stands still and your whole being is invaded with a truth it refuses to accept. And once you do, the reality hits you with waves of emotion that batter your spirit, leaving you numb.

Anger replaces sadness. Guilt replaces confusion. Fear creeps in and you can't help but question the safety of your world.

Leaning on family and friends can be an important source of comfort and help through the grieving process. And for many, it's our internal belief systems that help us make sense of our loss. It's normal to question our own mortality. It reminds us that the way we live our life can affect the world and those around us in a positive or negative way.

Grieving is different for everyone but in truth we grieve for ourselves. With loss our world changes. We ask Why? We don't understand. It seems so unfair.

I find peace of mind and comfort knowing we are souls just visiting and experiencing the physical realm in order to grow and evolve in to the ultimate light beings that is our true origin and final destiny. Death is not the end. You are a soul with a body, not a body with a soul. Science has proven we are energy and energy cannot be destroyed. We are only released from our bodies to return to our natural state.

So, look at life as an amazing Journey and know that dying and death are merely the gateway to a better existence.

Remember Me:

To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace, and
to the faithful, I have never left.
So, as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea-remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire it's simplicity-remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, and our memories of the times we loved,
the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will have never gone. Author Unknown

Hans Michael Krauss

December 14, 1964 to April 8, 2009

Sadly Missed

Lovingly Remembered